I’m currently sitting on 527 gigs of projects I’ve decided to vault. In case you were wondering, my practice of “vaulting” a song is the act of purposely withholding the song from the general public. I sometimes tease its existence through various social media platforms in the form of lyric lipsyncing videos that I’m sure everyone has grown tired of (I know, I wouldn’t follow me either) or other more subliminal ways such as playing the instrumental softly in the background of an unassuming piece of content, usually set at common places like coffee shops, parks, etc. Admittedly I have a proclivity to add subtext to anything I make public, including the piece of content you’re reading right now. Very headass, much “meta,” indeed. Since the beginning of social media, and I really mean myspace and tumblr days, the duplicitous fashion I tend to utilize these platforms has had clear, albeit suspect, intentions, but as time went by, it became organic, thoughtless, and of second nature. So take anything I say here with a grain of salt. Or not. Why would I expose myself like this?
Anywho, back to the subject. If you wanted a short version as to why I vault the majority of my music, then you’re out of luck. The loquaciousness of my writing always fails to be succinct. Music, as for all artists I assume, has always been my outlet, my therapy. I go for long periods of time feeling uninspired, and then suddenly, when the right emotional stimuli occur, I’m writing furiously. Not only do I write, but I queue posts, organize teams of designers, influencers, and other creatives, and plan extravagant events for collections of songs I already knew I was never going to release. I’m a hype machine that never delivers because the purpose of the music was never for the audience; it was for me.
Creativity is abundant when you’re emotionally charged, but as soon as I click “bounce” on Logic Pro X, the proverbial “deed” is “done.” It has served its purpose. Emotional catharsis in my head turns to notes and melodies compressed in a .wav file–a therapeutic transmutation. I hold on to it because as soon as it is released to the public, it’s no longer mine. I’m unapologetically selfish, and I have no desire for fame. In reality, the only time I see fit to release my music is when I know whatever I was going through when I was making the song has finally ceased to exist. The only releases I’ve made this year have been “GK,” and “U Like This,” so you can connect the dots.
The beauty of having these songs and not releasing them is the fact that I know that someday I’ll release them. And someone will listen to them and can relate. The appreciation I receive never goes unnoticed, and I’m eternally grateful. But perhaps one of the best byproducts of being attuned to life’s complexities (aka I’m sensitive af lmao) is that the songs I write are genuine representations of myself, a stark contrast to how I play with social media, and the best window to what was really going in my head months, and even years, prior.
surprise :3 (free download too)