If you see me less, I’m doing more

If you see me less, I’m doing more

“If you see me less, I’m doing more.”

I don’t remember the first time I’ve heard this quote, but throughout the years it stuck with me.  For once, I’ll be making an earnest attempt at practicing this, at least in terms of my presence on social media.  It proves to be a challenging endeavor as I’m undecided at this time whether or not to share this blog post.  Regardless, I’m finding this sabbatical absolutely necessary for furthering my growth.

Growth, be it physical, mental, spiritual, etc is always such an insidious process, and hindsight is always 20/20.  That being said, energy expenditure on wishing I knew what I know now sooner is wasteful, so I’ll spare myself the unnecessary stress. (and based on this post’s pseudo-cryptic but really due to lack of continuity content, you very well can tell that I’m a little rusty at blogging)

But with that being said, here are my reasons for taking a break.

I’m taking another gap year in music.

Since 2016, I’ve been the poster boy for artists trying to do the most with the least (i.e. resources, capital, network), and I could confidently say I’ve fared pretty well.  55k monthly listeners on Spotify at my peak + a couple overseas music placements are accomplishments anyone can be proud of.  However, through the trials and tribulations I’ve had with my plateaued music career, I’ve known and been aware of a couple important things.  Music was never about the money, yes.  Music was about self-expression and my way of navigating through mental health issues in my 20s, yes.  But music was also about other things that didn’t serve me.  It was about toxic ideas that didn’t promote growth, but rather thwarted it.  It was about the flex; it was the popularity contest; it was the holier than thou attitude I had because I had specialized skillsets that produced results for me and “my brand,” and I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my peers weren’t following my example.  Music was about the competition I was addicted to.  Music was about alter-egos and hiding behind songs I’d never dare say in real life…until I did and continued to do so for a time, and I thus became these alter-egos.

I suspect that I’ll eventually come back to music.  But I’ll do it right this time around.  I don’t know what this means for now, but it’ll be different. In the meanwhile, what’s the point of social media if I haven’t anything to promote?

I’m tired.

Honestly, at 31, I’m tired of keeping up with certain things that don’t provide me with the following: insight, health, security, and growth.  The catch-all term would be “value,” but I thought about it for some time, and it seems like the pillars of well-being (at least for me) are those four things.  Anything that builds upon your insight will help reinforce your values and decisions.  You have nothing if you don’t have health, and once you attain a good level of health, it would be wise to protect that along with all your assets-security.  Content consumed that deals with any type of growth is welcomed, though it is important to be wary of being caught in an echo chamber as it is too easy to reinforce toxic thinking with the “this isn’t for me,” attitude. Identity and character is built on opposition, not riding the dicks that ride yours.  

I’m happy.

Here’s a funny thing I’ve learned recently.  When you’re happy, like deadass, really happy and secure with your happiness, you don’t feel the need to post every detail of your happiness online. These fleeting moments are enjoyed in the present, without the pretense of needing to make it look pretty or fit a certain aesthetic.  It is shared with only yourself and the ones in your life you experience it with. Keep your happiness and contentment, as it only depreciates in value once you click share and thus share it with those who don’t matter or won’t benefit from the content.

I have so much left to do.

Interestingly enough, 2020 has felt something like a victory lap for me.  I’m not ignorant to the fact that the entire world is burning right now, but in terms of my own personal accolades, I’m a gold medalist in all accounts.  The track record is immaculate, the pedigree, unmatched.  “Built different,” as the youth would say.  I’ve overcome so much this year, but I’m hyper aware that my work isn’t finished yet. If what they say is true, that “happiness isn’t a destination, but a journey,” and that, “happiness is peace in motion (peace is happiness at rest),” then I’m looking forward to another victory lap come 2021.  So if you see me less, know that I’m doing more.