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If you see me less, I’m doing more
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If you see me less, I’m doing more

“If you see me less, I’m doing more.”

I don’t remember the first time I’ve heard this quote, but throughout the years it stuck with me. For once, I’ll be making an earnest attempt at practicing this, at least in terms of my presence on social media. It proves to be a challenging endeavor as I’m undecided at this time whether or not to share this blog post. Regardless, I’m finding this sabbatical absolutely necessary for furthering my growth.

Growth, be it physical, mental, spiritual, etc is always such an insidious process, and hindsight is always 20/20. That being said, energy expenditure on wishing I knew what I know now sooner is wasteful, so I’ll spare myself the unnecessary stress. (and based on this post’s pseudo-cryptic but really due to lack of continuity content, you very well can tell that I’m a little rusty at blogging)

But with that being said, here are my reasons for taking a break.

It Was Bound to Happen: The RONA pt I
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It Was Bound to Happen: The RONA pt I

I’m a good nurse, but a shit employee. Apparently I missed the mandatory staff meeting last week over zoom. So when I heard that our unit will be converted to a COVID + unit, my initial reaction was wanting to flip some shit over. This desire was short-lived as it was quickly replaced with me brainstorming “silver-lining” scenarios. And because this is a blog, I’ve compiled my thoughts in list form for your viewing pleasure.

The Cost of Ambition
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The Cost of Ambition

When I think of the concept of “progress,” I admittedly have a difficult time trying to empirically break down my own perceived “success” on the topic. We can always start from the beginning, I guess. How do we define “progress?” And I suppose the companion question to this is, what happens, then, if the individual in quest of “progress” is overly ambitious? How does one know how to prioritize the goals one wishes to achieve?

Level 30: A Recap
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Level 30: A Recap

It’s under weird circumstances that I’m writing this blog post. It seems to me that I’m on the tail end of this COVID disease. Fevers are decreasing in frequency without the utilization of any antipyretics, and the body aches that were commonplace a couple days ago have since disappeared. I didn’t plan on contracting COVID for a second time, but as a lot of how 2020 transpired, many things are out of our control. Luckily for me, there were plenty of things I managed to salvage and kept control over, and this was by design.

First Year WIthout a Summer Album Release Party
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First Year WIthout a Summer Album Release Party

For the past 2 years I’ve ushered in Virgo Szn (the only “szn” that counts) with an album release party. Some of ya’ll have attended. And all of ya’ll who have attended know that I throw a good party. I’ve been writing, yes, and I have enough material to release two albums if I wanted to, but that’s beside the point (as if I’m going to actually drop the music anyway). The album release parties of years past served two purposes. Admittedly, one of those purposes was to stroke my own ego--to prove to myself (and others) that I can organize these types of events, perhaps even to showcase my deep network and competency within the creative space. More importantly, the other purpose was to connect people by avenue (or the excuse) of my music. You wouldn’t imagine how many “mini-reunions” occur at these events, but I suppose that’s a normal byproduct of having a large circle of acquaintances and very few close friends. Ambivalence to the levels and definition of “friendship” is a byproduct of social nomadism, but again, I digress. The first album release party was called Ambivert, after all. aHa ha..

Thanks for waiting: Why I vault the majority of my music
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Thanks for waiting: Why I vault the majority of my music

I’m currently sitting on 527 gigs of projects I’ve decided to vault.  In case you were wondering, my practice of “vaulting” a song is the act of purposely withholding the song from the general public.  I sometimes tease its existence through various social media platforms in the form of lyric lipsyncing videos that I’m sure everyone has grown tired of (I know, I wouldn’t follow me either) or other more subliminal ways such as playing the instrumental softly in the background of an unassuming piece of content, usually set at common places like coffee shops, parks, etc.  Admittedly I have a proclivity to add subtext to anything I make public, including the piece of content you’re reading right now. Very headass, much “meta,” indeed.  Since the beginning of social media, and I really mean myspace and tumblr days, the duplicitous fashion I tend to utilize these platforms  has had clear, albeit suspect, intentions, but as time went by, it became organic, thoughtless, and of second nature.  So take anything I say here with a grain of salt. Or not.  Why would I expose myself like this?

5 lessons on loneliness
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5 lessons on loneliness

Number 5 of my list of things I’ve learned since moving to Koreatown reads:
You were never really lonely.  You just weren’t present.

Consider this as a companion piece to that bulleted item.

5 things I’ve learned living in koreatown
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5 things I’ve learned living in koreatown

This blogpost should really be titled, “5 things I’ve learned living on my own.” Circumstances being what they are, I admit and acknowledge how peculiar the months leading up to moving out was. It’s almost unfathomable to believe that my last album release party for ...and then I woke up occurred in the same year as this coronavirus pandemic and its constituent lockdown and (first wave of) stay-at-home orders here in California. So let’s recap:

an introduction of sorts
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an introduction of sorts

2020 has thrown everyone for a loop, including me. Despite the chaos of 2020–namely the pandemic, civil unrest, and the incessant feelings of isolation one must feel through all of this–there’s certainly a silver lining that isn’t always addressed. Everyone’s 2020 differs on a case by case basis, and fortunately for me, it’s been a time for growth, healing, and reconnection with what matters most in life. Though I’ve stopped seeing a therapist back in April, he once told me that keeping a daily journal helps with the process of self-growth, and since early-December of last year, I’ve been religiously writing, filling up three notebooks that are now filed away in a remote corner of my unnecessarily large walk-in closet.